Purpose . . .

Before I dive into my latest musing on all of this, I would like to point out my new ticker. I went with the humorous version this week because oh, boy, is it true! My nausea has picked up tremendously. It's not terrible every day, though, and that's a huge praise--with Noah, I seriously could not function for a while. I went ahead and got some Zofran for the bad days, mainly because it's not fair to Noah for me to be totally worthless on the rough days. Anyway, on to my latest thoughts . . .

This morning, I woke up thinking this thought: our triplet has a purpose, too. He or she did not develop, but he or she is attached to me--literally. And my doc said my body will probably just absorb him or her, and so, our triplet will always be apart of me, just as the other embryo transferred with Noah is also a part of me. In a strange way, I feel blessed by this.

The times when Noah wants to be in my arms are limited these days. He is busily excited about this world and wants to move in and explore every corner of it. It is a gift to get to see the wonder in the small things again--ants, flies, trains that stop traffic, 18-wheelers driving slowly, road contruction with big tractors, etc. He sees excitement in things we often regard as nuisances. And yet my prayer for him every night is that he will not be corrupted by this world--that God would guard his heart, mind, and body from evil people and influences. Sometimes, I am so overwhlemed by the reality that I can't protect him forever . . .

The blessing I see in being able to carry with me our triplet and Noah's embryo:

I don't have to release them to this world. Their physical make-up is a part of me; their spirits are in perfect Paradise.

Our triplet is probably not alive anymore. He or she will be classifed in medical terms as a "vanishing triplet." We know, however, that he or she completed the plan God had for him or her; his/her work here is done. My prayer is that God would give me eyes to see that plan, that work, that purpose. I believe that all life--no matter the size of the life--matters.

Most people don't get to know about a "vanishing triplet" since only two (or one) babies are present at the initial ultrasound with a regular ob. Because of our situation and all the monitoring, we know. And there's a purpose even in the knowing.