If you have ever walked the path of infertility, you know how mind-consuming it can be. As a person who loves things to be in order and at peace, this has really stretched me (again). I've said it before, but the waiting and the not-knowing are the hardest things. It's the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep.
In the midst of the uncertainty, however, I feel as though I'm finding some peace in the truth. I am not poweful enough to prevent these lives from growing further or to make them grow futher somehow. Already, they are miracles. Already, they are strong survivors. Already, they have taught us truths.
At the heart of me, I really want to meet all three of our embryos as people. Also at the heart of me is a lot of fear about a triplet pregnancy, triplet newborns, triplet toddlers, etc.
In the midst of all of my thoughts on and prayers for our three embryos (or "eee en-dee-does" in Noah-ese), I had a revelation.
God is a three-person God, perfect and complete.
Our current family is made up of three persons, perfect and complete.
I am slowly becoming "OK" if we are to stay at three for now or forever. I will definitely miss Chris' "Goodnight, everybody!" to my belly, but we will be OK. Three is perfect; three is complete; three is a miracle; three is beauty.
Today, I am meditating on Psalm 94:19 (Thank you, C!!!): "However great the anxieties of my heart, your consolations soothe me."
TWO!
7 years ago
I'm so glad you're keeping the faith and trusting and depending on the Lord! I can feel your peace! Love you!
ReplyDeleteso when do you know anything? my friend is getting implanted with embryos may 1. they are unfreezing 5 so we will see which if them survive. but they also are having her take a rego test the followign monday.... does that sound familier?
ReplyDeleteHmmmm . . . Monday the 4th or Monday the 11th? Our doc said that they usually don't implant until about 5 days post-transfer. BUT a lot of that depends on the stage at which they were frozen. Ours were frozen after three days, but in certain circumstances, they wait five days to freeze or transfer embryos. I think it depends on medical history and such. So, if they are thawing five-day old embryos, I guess a test three days later would make some sense to see if any implanted. Don't know for sure, though! :)
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