Here

Here is what we were told:

(1) In vitro has higher miscarriage rates due to implantation problems. We never knew that, were never told that, etc. Had I known that, I would've been more careful on lots of levels.

(2) "Something" happened about a week ago. Genetic problem? Blood supply problem? We'll never know for sure. Just the elusive "something."

(3) We just have to wait it out for whatever to happen. I might bleed; I might not.


Here is what I am racking my brain trying to figure out:

(1) What happened about a week ago--did I do something wrong? How do things go from fine to not-fine?

(2) What signs did I miss a week ago?

(3) How do I find the joy for the remaining life?

(4) How do other women endure loss after loss after loss? I can't imagine.


Here is what I know:

(1) I am still pregnant with a gift from God.

(2) This is the path God has set before us for a reason, and He is good, His plans perfect.

(3) The emotion is heavy and confusing and exhausting and new.


And being Here is not easy because this Here goes with me everywhere . . .