After Effects

Tonight, I was looking around online for a good website on Vanishing Twin Syndrome I could link in the sidebar. There honestly isn't too much variance in info out there. I got particulary interested in the effects of VTS on the surviving twin--this has been something that has been a little unsettled in my mind.

The doctor said everything would be fine with Baby A, but I am still a little hesitant to wholeheartedly believe that. At 10 1/2 weeks, we were past the "embryonic stage" (8 weeks) and most all of Baby B's systems were in place--immature, but in place. Logically, I can't understand how a body can be absorbed into another's blood supply and be 100% all right. (We were told we'd probably be able to see Baby B in the placenta of Baby A after he/she is born, but I don't know if I want to see that.) Thus, I have been a little concerned about the developmental effects of this on Baby A.

Back to my search. There is a lot of talk out there on the emotional effects of VTS on the survivor, and I have thought about that and how we will handle the issue with Noah and with Baby A. There is a school of thought that says early exposure to trauma and death, even in utero, can be life-altering. Anyway, here is what I uncovered about emotional effects on the survivors.

From: http://www.naturalhealthtechniques.com/SpecificDiseases/vanishing_twin.htm

Typical Personality Characteristics of the Surviving Twin:

Control Issues: The surviving twin often has control issues and it may be based on the premise that since they couldn't control what happened in utero, they are doing everything in their power to do so now.

Survivor's guilt: There is a lot of survivor's guilt for taking the nutrition from the vanishing twin, not being able to help prevent the death of the twin and viewing this resorption process in utero. Once identifying this occurrence, the patient must go through the grieving process like in any death of someone that means a great deal to them. They experience loss, guilt, grief and anger at being separated from the twin. Sometimes the survivor does not care if they live or die and may occasionally have thoughts of suicide.

No competition: Survivors don't usually like competitive sports unless they are competing against themselves. They subconsciously feel that if they compete with others, death may result. They want everyone to get along and work together.

Sabotaging relationships: Sabotaging happens when relationships start going too well. The superconscious/subconscious thinking is that if they get close to someone that they will be in danger and might die from the actions of the surviving twin. Because they love this person so much, they will push them away to protect them. They also seem to self-sabotage to make sure they have paid for what their role was that caused their twin to depart in utero.

Not deserving: The survivor often feels they don’t deserve all the good this world has to offer so they find ways to exclude themselves from receiving good. They are major givers, but not very accepting takers.

Money issues: These are motivated people. Because they do such good in the world, often money follows. The problem is that Vanishing Twins don't seem to be able to hold onto the money because they self-sabotage. Survivor's guilt prevents them from using the money for their own care. They give it away or let it flow through their hands, not keeping any of it for themselves.

Fascination with or friends with twins: Twins have a special energetic bonding with each other which lasts their entire lives. Just because your twin left you in utero, doesn't break that energetic bond. And if you don't feel your twin still around you, naturally you will be attracted to twin energy.

Feeling abandoned, left out, and excluded: These are the kids who get picked last for the team, who don't make friends easily and feel like other's can't relate to what they are going through. They are searching for close relationships but can't seem to find them. Often they would rather spend time with older people than kids their own age.

Low self-esteem, lack of self-love: This is one of the major Spiritual lessons that the survivor must work through before they can fully be the gift to the world that God intends. Low self esteem is intertwined with Unconditional Love of Self, Trust and Discernment, and Worthiness lessons.

Vanishing Twins are often in the Healing Field: Since they could not heal the situation in utero, they are intent on healing the world and saving others. There are lots of surviving twins who are massage therapists, doctors and nurses.

Vanishing Twins say or think, "I wish I could find somebody like me."

Other Weird Stuff: I actually had one woman I was working on take out a picture from her wallet to show me who her vanishing twin was. She explained that she believed in reincarnation and that she somehow felt attached to this man. When I asked her if she had ever met the man she said she hadn't, but that she felt compelled to cut his picture out and carry it around with her. At the time she had had the picture in her wallet for over two years.

***********************************************************************************
Kinda scary. I hate thinking that this baby is going to start off life "behind the 8 ball." Granted, the above info wasn't prefaced with any info on how parents addressed and handled the situation with the survivors, so maybe that has something to do with it. I'm so glad we have the petri dishes, my sister's photos, and the ultrasound pictures. I hope and pray those will help provide some sort of link or connection.

This may sound a little crazy, but I've often thought that Noah will be able to be some sort of connection. Any biological children we have were conceived at the same time. Here is a little something I wrote back in January, when we started this whole process. (I still can't believe we've been living this for almost seven months . . .)

1/5/09

To my baby(ies),

Today your daddy and I went to discuss the details of growing you into our arms, our home. I want you to know that we can't wait to meet you! I think of you often and dream of what you will become. Will you have light hair and light eyes like your big brother? What will make you laugh? What will our challenges be? What will your favorites be? Your potential is enthralling . . .

Know that I don't expect you to be just like Noah, though you will probably feel that way sometimes. You are a unique individual with a unique calling, a unique design. At the same time, you and Noah have a special, special bond. You shared those first whispers of life together, blossoming, growing together, and I know he will be glad to see you--you are familiar strangers. Unlike most people in this world, you and Noah started life independent of your mom and dad; you only had each other. I pray that you will continue to grow together, encouraging and supporting one another in this life.

You are a miracle I've treasured in my heart daily. Know that I love you very much . . . even now when all I can do is imagine your gummy smiles, sloppy kisses, midnight cries, and tiny toes. I can't wait to unlock the miracle you are.

Until then,

Mommy

So that's that. Sorry this is pretty wordy tonight. Just thinking . . .