A New Kind of Intimacy

In spite of all the science and medicine that has inundated our world, Chris and I have moments of intimacy I would not trade for injection-free conception. The night before the polyp-removal procedure, we were driving home from dropping Noah off to spend the night with our friends Bobby, Katie, and Emory. Our conversation started off something like this:

[Silence, switching from the skunk song on Noah’s toddler songs CD to the radio]

Me: “You know . . . I never wanted this process to touch Noah.”
C: “It’s not your fault . . . but things are going to change when we bring a baby home.” [His certainty is so comforting.]
Me: “I just didn’t want his world thrown off this soon. And I didn’t want him to even know something was going on. Just like any other kid.”
C: “Yeah . . . I know . . .” [I love that he “gets” it.]

The gift of this whole process, in spite of all the shots and pills, is that we are ushered to a place where we share such true things with one another--

“I was terrified when . . .”
“I really thought that . . .”
“The deepest part of me knows that . . .”
“I’ve never felt ________ before . . .”
“I know what you mean.”
“Last time, I felt ______ . . .”

I am equally grateful that we have been able to laugh along the way as well. Chris and I laughed so hard when he told me some of what I was saying on the drugs Wednesday:

I tell him to get the cupcakes.
He, concerned, tells the nurse I was asking for cupcakes.
The nurse comes in and asks me about the cupcakes.
I tell her I want the pink ones.
Then, in a semi-lucid moment, I say, “No, that’s not true; it’s not real. There’s no cupcakes. It was a dream . . .”
I close my eyes and go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, I sit straight up with bug eyes and look around frantically for about 15 seconds. “Where is Noah????” I ask. Chris says, “He’s with Katie. He slept all night, and he’s playing trains with Emory.” I close my eyes and go back to sleep.

After telling me the stories and confessing that he walked away so as not to laugh in my face, I was grateful for this journey. Our experience and perspective are literally opposite sides of a needle; our ultimate hope, our souls’ desire is the same. We have been given a unique gift, a new kind of synergy, a new kind of intimacy.