One of the chapters deals with fear and the many fears that women experience during their pregnancies. The writers point to Jesus who did not shy away from fear: He gave His fear a voice, gave them to God honestly, and then moved forward in obedience.
So, friends, I'm going to give my fear a voice in hopes that I can continue to move forward. My mind knows that my fears are probably not going to materialize into reality, and I'm working and praying that the rest of me gets that memo. Anyway, here goes:
(1) I am afraid that I am not bonding with this baby and what that will mean for us after birth. I am afraid I won't love him as much as I love Noah. I'm afraid that somehow, my lack of enthusiasm is going to scar this little one for life.
(2) I am afraid of people asking me if I'm pregnant. I'm afraid of what my reaction will be and what I will say. I am afraid of coming across like a total freak for being blase about the pregnancy.
(3) On the flip side, I'm afraid to tell people I'm pregnant for many of the same reasons as #2. I know a lot of people at work know I'm pregnant even though I didn't tell them. Therefore, I have no idea who knows what, etc. (That's the joy of working in a small place!) Anyway, I noticed a lot of people awkwardly checking out my belly this week and asking a sympathetic, "So how are you?" I don't look that pregnant at all, but I struggle to say the words, "I'm pregnant . . . 15 weeks . . ."
(4) I am afraid to let go of my fear--for fear that as soon as I do, something terrible is going to happen.
So that's that. I'm so grateful for the Scriptures and the truth I can repeat to myself when my fear bubbles to the surface:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
AMEN!
Hey Mary...
ReplyDeleteI think your fears are rational. If you didn't have fears, now that would be strange. Can you believe I fear getting pregnant again because odds are it's my "turn" to miscarry? Silly, but it's how I think.
I believe your first fear is very common for people having a second child. Trust me... you will ADORE your newest little one, as much as you love Noah. In fact, I bet once you start to feel those kicks and flips, your feelings will begin to change. That always made a difference for me. It made the baby a reality.
Hold onto those promises from God!